Sister Sarah is abused, drugged and brainwashed by drug dealing clergy until she’s left for dead from an overdose. On deaths door she receives a message from God to unleash judgement against those who have sinned.
Directed by – Joseph Guzman
Written by – Joseph Guzman, Robert James Hayes II
Starring – Tawny Amber Young, Devanny Pinn, Asun Ortega, Jessica Elder, Bill Oberst Jr., Ivet Corvea, Julie O’Leary, Kimberly Ables Jindra, Monica Ramon, Sasha Stuber, Tomas Boykin, David Castro, Xango Henry, Maxie J. Santillan Jr., Maz Siam, Tiffany Cache, Heather Whisenhunt, Sarah Emmons, Emma Messenger, Aycil Yeltan, Jessica Bonanni, Larry Eudene, Rene Arreola, Andrea Fischer, Patty Jo Engels, Amanda Lauren, Lacey Conners, Ria Huang, Oto Brezina, Deanne Destler, Sally Powers, Amy Noname, Angel Santana, Perry D’Marco, Prince Moore, Kenichi Iwabuchi, Guadalupe Hernandez, Caejar Cox, Robert Greygrass, Robert Rexx, Ryan Henslee, Louis Israel, Alfonso Castro
I know that’s an excessive cast list but after watching this one I really thought that as many people as I could fit should get recognized. I can’t remember the last time a movie delivered exactly what its title suggested in such a great way. You want nuns, you got it. You want nuns who are nude and carry some big guns then look no further! There’s enough nudity in this one to make your wrist sore and without all that troubling storyline that always gets in the way. Alright, there’s some story here but it’s pretty simple and the success of the film hinges on the amount of boobs and gunfire they can cram in. No worries there as this flick is packed full of all those things.
When a drug deal between a group of bikers led by Chavo (David Castro) and a crooked priest goes bad, Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega) is taken by Chavo and forced into drug induced prostitution. When Chavo forces Sarah to overdose she’s saved from death by a doctor who works for Chavo. Insisting that she’s gotten a message from God to deliver justice to sinners, Sarah shoots the doctor who saved her and seeks vengeance on those who have wronged her and her Lord.
Most of that story takes place in the first 15 minutes or so. The rest of the film is Sister Sarah on her mission to bring down the crooked priests, padres and bikers that almost killed her and tore her away from her lover, another nun. The movie is full, I mean full to bursting, with boobs and guns. I can’t say that I really know much about grindhouse films or the nunsploitation genre but I’m willing to bet this would fit perfectly in those categories. I’m almost at a loss for words to explain the movie. The acting isn’t bad at all but it never rises to spectacular levels. Gunshot victims always take a clean shot to the forehead which can get a little tiring and there’s more than a few scenes of someone getting raped, not graphically though thankfully. I can’t really put my finger on what was so great about this movie but that’s exactly what it is, great!
Maybe all the nudity is clouding my judgement since Asun Ortega is a very attractive woman and has no problem baring it all. The movie is just dirty and grimy feeling and will probably leave you wanting a shower when it’s all done and that’s the exact reaction I think they’re going for. It shouldn’t work and yet it does beautifully. It’s humourous without trying to be and even when it seems to be teetering on spoof, it never goes all the way with it. I get the same kind of feeling watching this film as I did for Machete. Where Machete went over the top, Nude Nuns keeps it a little lower than that and it pays off.
Nobody is going to go into a film called Nude Nuns With Big Guns with any sort of lofty expectations so it’s easy to be surprised by how much you can enjoy this one. It can be brutal at points but it shouldn’t be enough to turn anyone off the film. You know what you’re getting before the film even starts and fans of grindhouse should find plenty to enjoy. If you have a need to see naked lesbian nuns shooting drug dealing priests and bikers I don’t think you’ll find a better film. Don’t expect the next great classic and you should have a great time with this one.
Under the marquee – Will